Oh hey, humans. Casual blog takeover going on over here, don’t mind us. We wondered what that crazy women (who insists to us that she’s called “Mummy” but we keep hearing other people call her “Sian”) was always staring at behind this screen, so we’ve been watching carefully these past few weeks and discovered this: a blog! Apparently she shows off what she’s wearing here and moans to you all about her life…why are you even reading that?! Oh wait, there appears to be a “Cats” category, that’s clearly why you’re here. And for those times when we’ve managed to be sneaky and get in the back of her photos, hee hee! We even make it to her Instagram too apparently!
Anyway, while we’ve got control of this thing, we thought we’d share with you some of our likes and dislikes – our #PetHates you might even say (we know, we’re too funny!).
We’d better introduce ourselves first though, since some of you might not have been paying attention in the past. First up, me:
I’m Belle. I may be the smaller one, but that doesn’t stop me. They all think that Charlie’s in charge, but keep an eye out and you’ll see that really she cowers in my presence, muhaha! Especially if she takes my special sleeping place on the mat by the door – I don’t know why, I just find that spiky door mat so comfortable!
And I’m Charlie. I’m the bigger one while Belle is my annoying little sister. Can you believe she’ll pretend to Mummy and Daddy that she’s the sweet innocent one, and when she thinks they’re not looking she’ll bat me on the head?! Don’t know why I put up with it really. You can tell us apart a couple of ways. Well, the obvious, I’m bigger and braver. Belle has a little white patch on her chest and I’ve got a couple of white dots on my head – yes, okay I know they’re weird, but apparently I had an allergic reaction to some flea stuff and blah blah blah, a bit of my head turned white, I know.
As you’ve probably already figured out, we’re sisters. Mummy and Daddy got us just over a year ago and we’ve been helping them out with their lives ever since – we just don’t know how they coped without us before!
Basically, that Mummy and Daddy of ours don’t know how lucky they are, seriously. They think we’re being pests when really, we’re just helping out! For example, we love to help keep guard. We guard the house from all the other cats that live near our new house. To be honest, we don’t mind these cats as much as the ones at the old house – they were mean. Next door to us here though are our doppelgangers! You can only imagine how funny it is when Mummy and Daddy are shouting at them to come inside when we’re sat right behind them, lolz. We also guard what they call the “greenhouse”, but in reality, we know it’s just a giant water bowl for us. Every night they come home from work and search those funny plants inside for something called “tomatoes” then pour water over them – then it’s our chance to get in there and drink all the water before they can stop us! They keep trying to shoo us off, apparently it’s got some funny chemicals in or something, but don’t worry, we’ll figure a way round them – look, Belle’s got it covered right now:
Not only this, but we LOVE to help Mummy with her sewing. Every few days she disappears off to her sewing room – it’s a magical room full of threads, fabric, and a rattly box of little spiky things that we love knocking onto the floor, but then Mummy tells us off for doing that and spends foreverrr searching the carpet with her face about an inch away trying to find the pointy little things. Well, we think it’s fun, but I guess that’s one of our #PetHates since she’s always ruining our fun!
Speaking of ruining our fun, we said we liked helping her out with sewing – well, we’re really good at that. See above, we get under the paper to make sure there’s nothing under there, we sit on her fabric to make sure it’s straight and weighted down, and we even gobble up strips of fabric she leaves lying around to make sure it’s tidy. Apparently that’s not allowed though. She actually cried when she saw me (Belle) do that then did something we really hate: took us to The Vets. She kept muttering about something called “cat insurance” and how it was lucky we had it and didn’t have to use it. Then she gave me a yucky medicine and dug around in my litter tray for a week afterwards – Mummy’s weird. She even wrote about me here then, can you believe it?!
We’re also AMAZING alarm clocks. Every morning at around 6.30am, we know that they just need to be up and out for work, so we make it our responsibility to help them get up – goodness knows they’re no good at it themselves! I (Charlie) have a brilliant way to make sure they’re up though, and I shall share my tips with all you other hardworking cats out there trying to keep control of your humans: start by taking a running jump onto the bed, and you can add a small “pprrppp” noise at this part (keep them relaxed, or else you’ll get pushed off immediately). Then approach the head of the bed and push your way between them, nudging at their arms several times as you go (this is especially good if they have bare arms and you have a wet nose, really gets a good reaction). Then pretend to settle between them, lull them into a false sense of security before, BAM, jump up onto the chest, preferably of Daddy as he won’t make high pitched squealing noises, and MEOW in his face. Let him know it’s breakfast time, and it’s breakfast time now. If there’s still no movement at this point, you can settle on his chest for a little while, or his side if he’s laying sideways, or across Mummy and Daddy like a bridge. They’ll soon start moving then.
Anywho, quick – they’re coming back! We must get this published so we can begin our world takeover. Little do they know we’re pretty much there with it anyway. Stay tuned, we will be back one day.